I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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