I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
