loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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