no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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