why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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