made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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