omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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