Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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