positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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