omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
