Nicole vs. Life
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
