Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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