I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
