Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
