You're so nebulous sometimes
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
