Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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