its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
