East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
