it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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