weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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