I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
