Your face is a jimmy john
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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