are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
