Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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