what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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