hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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