Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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