somebody snuck up and got me drunk
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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