Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
