haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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