nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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