My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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