so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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