it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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