Duck Duck Cougar?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
