Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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