Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
