I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
