A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
