i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
