I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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