My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
birth control should be required to get into college
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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