gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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