i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
