i wish my penis had a tongue
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
