Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
