Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
