does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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