never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She bit a glass in half.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
