YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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