sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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