he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
