then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
