I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
