She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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