I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
